shadow

It’s a super bitch – exposing the negative.

Expose the negative, destroy the image.

The human negatives are parts of yourself you wish weren’t there, the parts you’re afraid for people to see, the parts you don’t want to come into the light. It’s also the people, the situations, and the habits you keep that are no longer serving you. 

Whether you choose to ignore them or face them, they will surface. That, I can assure you. They show in spite of your ignorance, they show because you deny them, they show because you can’t control them. Not always.

You avoid looking at yourself in the mirror.

You avoid asking questions because you don’t want the answers.

It’s frightening to be alone with yourself. Alone in your thoughts. Alone in your feelings. Alone in your mind. You delay your awakening when you fill your life with distractions. You distract yourself with relationships, with friendships, with work, with extracurriculars, with drinking, with parties, with anything that keeps you away from the places where you’re left all alone. It doesn’t mean you’re lonely, it just means you are alone. Once the distractions disappear, shit gets real. No more avoidance. It’s time. You begin to expose the negative.

Don’t get me wrong, for the most part we are all beautiful unicorns riding across colorful rainbows – shitting glitter into a universe filled with pink and purple stardust where mystical electronic dance music plays and magical happiness flows through rivers of chocolate and candy and love is a fine mist sprinkling all of the land.

But let’s get real here.

Negatives exist. Negative thought, negative emotion, negative action, negative inaction, negative personality traits, negative habits.. and the list goes on. Sometimes we can control it, sometimes we can’t, depending on its root. We all need to realize that and work on what we can.

So, every once in a while, stop filling your time with distractions. Stop trying to fill the void and just let yourself fall into it. It’s okay to feel everything all at once with no chaser. It’s necessary in order to change, to grow, to learn, to love: not only others, but yourself. I read a quote a few weeks back: “A comfort zone is a beautiful place to be but nothing ever grows there.” You have to feel uncomfortable in order to grow. Get scared. Get tortured. Get ugly.

No one can save you from yourself.

Don’t find salvation in others.

Find it within you.

I’ve had a long stretch of comfort zone that has ended slowly and abruptly all at the same time. It has thrown me into a shit storm of what the fuck and holy hell and all things in between. Familiar people and familiar situations are now gone. The former has fallen away. I have the ability to start fresh yet here I am, dragging along the dead weight of my past tense self.

It wasn’t just about what I didn’t deserve. It wasn’t just about how I shouldn’t be treated. It’s all a two-way street with no one in particular at the start of it. Everything is relative. It’s about how I need to be the kind of person who gives to others what they deserve too, realizing what is working and what isn’t, taking ownership of what is mine,  and doing that by learning to love myself, negatives and all. I shall change all I can and understand all I can’t. It’s about mindfulness, it’s about an awareness of self. The whole thing is a development process. It’s exposing the negatives to see the real picture.

I believe in fate. I believe people and situations are brought forth for a reason. They teach us things. We choose to take opportunities and sometimes we choose to miss them. Sometimes, we choose to hold on when we should let go and we choose to let go when we should hold on. But it ends there. Fate only decides what comes in to your life. We decide who stays and who goes and when. It’s up to us to figure it all out.

It begins with the love for ourselves.

It begins with the recognition of what was, what is, and what could be.

By the holding on and the letting go.

If you get a chance to let go of some of the negative, loosen your grip.

Destiny has a way of finding you.

When you fight to cling to negatives: the people, thoughts, and situations that are no longer meant to be in your life,

you cannot develop what’s meant to be.

You delay your destiny.

Don’t do that.

Fate is trying to tell you something.

Listen. Take notes. Stop falling asleep in class.

A way to do that is through exposure. Expose your negatives, your rawness, your true self. All pictures begin with a negative. They are part of what creates the beautiful image. See them in your reflection. Rip them wide open. Everything about you. Change the things you can, embrace the things you can’t. If you are honest with yourself and honest with others, it opens a world where you are capable of following your fate, deciding your destiny. It allows you to love and be loved in return, not because of your negatives, but in spite of them.

You will never be perfect. Never.

You just have to be real.

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